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March 27, 2005
A substantial part of the problem...
...is, I'm finding, that the whole feeling of expectation is what kills my writing.
I'm not the kind of person who wants his writing just kept to himself. It's a good feeling to have people looking over my shoulder, checking up on my thoughts and throwing input this way or that. So I don't think I'm ever going to be able to just throw stuff into a bound journal and stash it away in a drawer for nobody in the world but me to see. (Maybe this does mean that I'm an egomaniac, I dunno.)
But, on the flip side: When I do start to get traction, and I feel like I have to write something to keep people happy, or to keep the front page of a blog from going empty, that's when the writing starts to suck.
I have heard arguments from many folk that "you should just write to get our emotions out; the world starts to make more sense when you see your thoughts on paper, or on screen, or whatever." And I have sympathy for that line of thinking. If I honestly felt that I could simply turn off the barrier between "public" and "private" without any repercussions, I would.
Unfortunately, because I'm a professor (and a professor with a history of not handling relationships among humans well, to boot), I see repercussions every which way up and down the pike. (And even using that phrase "down the pike", I've invoked a semi-private gag between me and the Academic Bowl people. Being overanalytical does not help matters.)
I think this is why I turned to the soccer writing as intently as I did when I stopped the personal-blogging last time - I think I had the illusion that writing about soccer meant not having to deal with the human element. Escapism, and all that.
Except that I find myself encountering the same problems dealing with humans there that I do otherwise.
Of course, the whole soccer-blogging angle has created a weight of expectation with that as well. And we're back there.
I should know better than to write stuff like this at 6:00 AM. It's hardly ever rational. But it's better than I've been able to do all week, so Merry Christmas and stuff.
Posted by Chuck at March 27, 2005 05:48 AM
Comments
i have this problem occasionally too. you can tell because my xanga starts filling up with several days worth of entries of mindless quizzes and pointless survies (which i realize would have no point here--i only do them because i don't like going a day without posting anything-call it OCD)
anyway, please don't feel obligated to write in here because you are worried the screen will go blank (even if some of us harass you to write, it's only with good intentions...yeah yeah, they pave the road to hell, i'm well aware)
rachel gave me great advice once (well more than once, but this is the result of once) to write without thinking about the end product, or the subject, or the people who will read it. this is hard, i know. afterwards, however, you can clean it up as you see fit, but you have most likely gotten out whatever was rattling around inside you and/or written some sort of entry
yay for the longest comment ever--sorry to take up all your space!
Posted by: Celestia at March 27, 2005 12:44 PM
I get it all the time. I go through week-long lulls where nothing I'm about to post seems substantial enough (as if "enough" is a discrete value defined by some standards board) and I can't muster up the will to write more. That's when i'ts nice to recall that I can just paste in some stupid quiz results, or take the month off, or whatever I like. For the people who are close to me and MUST communicate, there's email. *grin*
Posted by: Jeff at March 27, 2005 12:57 PM
As a future-novelist-wanna-be, writing should not be about expectation, especially in a blogging/journaling type setting. It is simply a means to let your thoughts wander and finally arrive at the key issue that is bothering you. It is also a way to get things off of your mind, which is something we all need. If you have nothing to say that day, then don't say anything. Don't let it bother you. When you do have something to say, the urge to write will come (at least, that's how it works for me). That's when you follow that urge and write to your heart's content.
Posted by: Heather at March 28, 2005 10:01 PM